And I am!
But I wasn’t always.
When I was a stay at home mom, I felt I wasn’t providing enough for my family. Sure, I was pouring all my love into my son, taking care of the house, and trying to find my purpose outside of motherhood. But I felt an overwhelming amount of guilt for not providing more for my family. I felt exhausted by this guilt and trying to find any way to feel I was providing more for my family.
When I became a working mom, there was a different kind of guilt. I felt I was suddenly abandoning my son. And when my daughter arrived, I felt even more guilt for not being able to give her the same early childhood that my first born was blessed with. I longed for the days to be home with my babies. I still felt exhausted and like I wasn’t providing enough for my family.
When I became a single mom, I was terrified. How was I going to do it all? Healing. Finances. Chores. Work load. And all the challenges that lay ahead in early sobriety, going through a divorce and rebuilding my life.
I have found I had to lower my expectations of myself as a mother. That was hard to do and I still cringe a little when I say that out loud.
But it’s been a game changer! I have found to choose my battles, give myself and my kids loads of grace and to ask for help. A lot of help!
I am still learning to be gentle with myself and to constantly reflect on the fact that I’m doing the best I can. That is all that matters. That I show up and never give up.
And when the weight of it all feels too big, I surrender it to God.
I’m still exhausted, fear I’m failing, and worry about a million silly little things.
What is different today is that I know my worth as a mother. I’m not perfect but I don’t want to be. My kids won’t remember a clean house or the fancy recipe I whipped up (because I don’t really like cooking and that’s ok!)
What they will remember is a mother who makes memories filled with messes and fun. A mother who admits when she makes a mistake. A mother who loves the life that she fought so hard for.
Most of all, my kids will always know they are loved and accepted. No matter what!